Personal Essay

Want is a confusing concept in my mind, as a person of ever-changing wants it is hard to put my finger on a single set in stone want at any given time. One day I want to travel the world and see all that it has to offer, and the next day I want to have a family and a husband and plant my roots. So today I see myself spending a few years after college exploring, and then settling down later. I want to be free for awhile and move to Colorado to really find myself and discover what I truly “want” out of my short time here on earth. Much like my wants, the things that I see are changing all the time. Not just physically, but mentally. Sometimes I see the world through bright and positive eyes, but other times I can see all the hurt and confusion that exists in the world. It is draining to start out in the morning with fresh eyes and end in the night with heavy eyes that have once again discovered what the world truly is and how it will always be. It is different for everyone, how they choose to experience certain situations.  As a child I had untamable positivity that radiated from me at all times, but as I have grown older and seen all the hurt that many people experience on a daily basis, I have chosen to see differently. Right now I am looking through positive eyes, the world is bright and the grass is green, the music is good and everyone is smiling at the sun, but I know that as the day goes on my sights will change and so will my thoughts. Much of who I am as a person can be found in my purse. Starting with my obsession with music you can find my headphones at all times. Other simple things that get a person through daily life can also be found, such as chapstick, minimal amounts of money due to my college student status and my car keys. My heart carries baggage that would be considered much less simple. It has been broken, full, and even uneasy. I can feel parts that belong to various individuals that have stolen pieces of it over the years, and feel the parts that have been neglected by others. It does not fully belong to anyone, and I hope soon I will feel like it does. Patience is key in terms of the heart, although sometimes it gets lonely. To finish a journey through your thoughts it is always important to identify what you know. I know that I am a person who is easily persuaded and I thrive on change. I know that someday all my waiting and confusion will make since and not matter anymore. I know that I will soon know what it feels like to completely know yourself and I will feel comfortable with what I have accomplished and will always be learning new ways to know and feel.